Kepler-452b Is Real. And It May Bring Us An Entirely New Vision For Frasier.
Nasa’s Kepler mission found a planet — a rock a lot like ours — called Kepler-452b. And the ramifications were immediately apparent. The scientists could barely contain themselves.
“The majesty of life could appear elsewhere,” chief scientist Jane Collins reported to an eager press corps. “We believe Kepler-452b is the most likely planet to sustain something like human life. And that led our team to an obvious question: could that planet have fostered a slightly different vision for the Emmy award-winning NBC series Frasier, which ran from 1993 to 2004 on Earth?”
They said it. Now the world has to ponder what it means.
We’ve never been this close to a truly unique reimagining of Frasier
Scientists have long speculated about an alternate Frasierverse, but it’s been the province of quantum mechanics and high-level theoretical physics. Thanks to the verifiable status of Kepler-452b, we can finally realistically consider the possibility that, over millions of years, creatures evolved similarly to humans, developed the ability to talk, created something like television, explored the network model (with huge syndication incentives), and created a show similar to — but not entirely the same as — Frasier.
“Imagine if,” said Dr. Karl Knutson, “everything else were the same…but Frasier were set in Albuquerque! For the first time in human history, that is possible to entertain. Would Frasier’s apartment have had a view of a canyon instead of the space needle? Kepler-452b makes that entirely worth considering.”
NASA’s hard-to-please thinkers are uncharacteristically elated at the chance to see another earth’s vision for Frasier.
“Anything could happen,” said technologist and TED talk veteran Roger Drake, who had stints on the ISS. “All the Frasier/Roz shippers out there were disappointed with how the show ended. But on Kepler-452b, the presence of water, a viable atmosphere, and the potential for organic life could have, over time, made it possible for them to end up together.”
NASA cautions that the data on Kepler-452b is only preliminary. We don’t know for certain that the planet would have the ability to create complex polymers from the primordial soup and, as a result, lead to a Frasier where the dog’s name is Freddie instead of Eddie. Moreover, scientists point that some things could go terribly wrong as well.
“We have to be prepared,” said NASA researcher Robin Ward, who does computer simulations. “Kepler’s Earth could have led to jellyfish like creatures with superhuman intelligence and a taste for Earth human blood. Even worse, if their Frasier went disastrously wrong, if they centered on the wrong Crane brother, for example, we’d have to be able to make piece with their people and, in time, show them the proper Frasier.”
“The risk of Niles is real,” Ward noted. “If human life could have emerged from the muck of Kepler-452b’s oceans, than so could have Niles.”
But even those sobering warnings can’t put a damper on the true promise of the new planet. Imagine if Maris constantly made appearances on the show! Or if Daphne were from Australia (or Kepler-452b’s equivalent of the continent)?
The possibilities would make Frasier Crane himself sing — but would he have crooned about tossed salad and scrambled eggs? Who knows what Kepler-452b’s radio psychiatrist would warble about?
We’ll find out soon. And maybe on Kepler-452b, Ted Danson was 30 years older and played Frasier’s dad.